I’m NOT Dead!
Ahh, it’s good to be back. Excuse me while I brush the dust off of this old blog. Anyways, I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve written. I haven’t been dead (which would mean I’m now brought BACK from the dead, so I’d be, like, some kind of…zombie creature? Which is just cool, except dark circles under the eyes is SO not a good look for me) nor hospitalized nor (insert terrible health emergency or injury here).
I AM a moron, though. As some of you may (or may not) have noticed, I’ve disappeared from Facebook. This is due to simple technical idiocy. I have a personal Facebook account and Ashley Quinn, which I use as my public author account. That is the one which most of you have communicated with through. However, I attempted to change the e-mail I log in to my PERSONAL account with (an old college e-mail account that I no longer use or have access to – remember the days when Facebook was strictly the secret online college-only club?!) to my current e-mail address (which was attached to my Ashley Quinn account – still following?). In doing so, it attached my current e-mail to my personal profile with no problems – But left me without any way to log in to my Ashley Quinn account! Hell, I don’t even know if it still exists. Oh, technology…
I’m thinking I’ll have to rebuild my Ashley Quinn profile. I miss talking to all you ladies, communicating with you and staying caught up in your different lives and adventures.
On that note, my partner and I did split shortly before the holidays. So Thanksgiving and Christmas were a blur of all the nasty stuff that follows the break-up of a long-term relationship – She moved out, custody of animals were hashed out, emotions were up and down, you know what it’s like I’m sure.
Of course, the dynamic of my life quickly changed as I went from “married and planning for the future” mode to “OMG I’m single!” mode. I’ve been out with friends, dating, meeting people, talking to people and enjoying the changing tide of the universe that has dragged me (admittedly kicking, screaming and scratching at first but now ebbing along quite nicely) into the next chapter of my life. Being so consumed with the immediate has left me little time to write as my inner muses have been momentarily silenced by me getting a foothold in the very different and active present.
The problem is that I’ve started several stories with the intentions of seeing where they go and hoping they have the potential to turn into a second book. They’ve all started out rather promising but then I seem to lose focus after the first few chapters. Maybe that means the premises just aren’t that great or they could be great-ER if I revisit them later. I’d been so desperate for that excitement that accompanies starting a new book, and I hadn’t been feeling it with any of the writings I’d begun. I was starting to over-analyze, second-guess everything and put quite a bit of pressure on myself instead of letting the ideas go with the flow.
The only time I’ve EVER been able to just let go completely and go with the intangible flow has been when I’m writing. I’m the type of person that needs details, craves information, needs to know when, where, why, how and what. Selling all my belongings, jumping into my car with my dog, draining my savings account and setting off for territories unknown and unplanned is both the most deliciously awesome and truly terrifying idea that has ever crossed my mind. So, yes, I have issues relaxing and going with it. Writing has been one of those things that I’ve been able to let go and see where I get taken – Even if it’s just in my mind’s eye as I type furiously over a Macbook. The fact that this was no longer happening for me was disconcerting…Aw, who the hell am I kidding – I was straight up panicking!
Now that things in my life at home have stabilized, I’ve been able to truly focus on writing again. I decided a few weeks ago to get my “creative juices flowing” again slowly but surely. I started painting after work. I’m no Monet, but coloring is therapeutic no matter how old you are. I filled a few 8 x 10 canvasses with color and feeling and energy and then started reading again. I know, crazy – A writer that reads. I started my way through a list of films that had been on a mental list of “Want To See” but never quite got around to. I get just as many ideas from watching character interactions on film as I do reading other writers’ unique works. So, long story short (too late), I’ve filled my life with art, happiness and positivity again after allowing a period of instability.
I finally started writing seriously again last night. This is going to sound completely Velveeta, but you know when that nugget of inspiration hits you in JUST the right spot in the heart? You’re filled with ideas, heaping upon other ideas, and you can’t wait to get to a computer to start making it all a reality? Your heart is beating, your mind is racing, you’re grinning and biting your lip as you start typing…Okay, maybe that was the Red Bull. BUT, the point is that I finally got that lightning bolt I was waiting for. And I am riding it hard! Wait…I mean…Er…
Twenty pages down, a basic premise fleshed out, getting to know the characters as I introduce them, letting the story guide me as it sees fit…This is what I’m in love with. I’m trying not to look at the word count or the page numbers or the minor grammar errors quite yet – That’s when I start over-thinking and analyzing and second-guessing. I need to get it out and then I’ll hash it and re-hash it through the multiple editing processes I force myself through after the initial writing is done.
I can’t wait. I can say with the utmost confidence that life. Is. Good. I’m so excited to start sharing myself and my life with you all again. First, I need to conquer Facebook technical difficulties. Next? Maybe the world!